If I decide to step back
to give you space to step forward
do I have to give you heads up?
I imagine you, noticing the distance
remain
steadfast in standing
where I left you
arms open
beckoning me to come
back
What if I already told you
I was done chasing
done
being predictable
done showing my hand first
What if I told you
I needed you
to step up
to show up
I already moved hell
high waters
L.A. and ATL traffic
for you
For you to expect me
to keep stepping up
being predictable
being there without being asked
showing up
Always happening to be there
when you need someone to see you
Not the names they lord over you
no
I’ve held your name
on my tongue and call you
when you need reminders of who
you belong to
Always your champion
Always waiting for the ways
you would show up for me
And I told you
tears in my eyes
I said the words I waited years to say
To say, this had been a long time coming
That this was my last stand
A quick drying cement
I’m still standing here
waiting for you to love me
like you say you do
What is it to miss someone
with no action behind their words?
What is it to make declarations
through text
but not tap that green button
to call?
To inquire?
To put voice to ear?
To care?
What is care when it’s invisible?
How do you see it?
Your life
Your family
Your jobs
Your other besties
How do you see my singleness?
I can do it
cause I don’t have
your jobs
your family
your life?
Is my life somehow less?
Do you even think of me at all?
As I ruminate about you
and us
and spend hours in therapy
because I need to be a good friend
and this standing here alone hurts
Do you even care that I created distance?
Do you care to imagine why?
I never wanted a me from you
Only to be considered
because I’m me
and not because i’m me
to you
It’s been quite lonely waiting on you
to notice me